My first loveIt's alright if you're never mine,I'll learn to survive, I'll be fine.But to forget you will be hell of a taskEven when I'm sad, I'll have to don a happy mask.The tears I shed will be when I am aloneI won't share the pain; my unhappiness will not be known.I'll smile through it allI'll rebuild my wall,I won't let anyone in ever againI cannot deal with the pain.But the memories, I'll treasure them in my heartAnd they'll be the inspiration for all my art.You may forget but I never willYou were my first love
in fact, you are still.
ThoughtsSometimes we block the truth from our conscious minds. We know it is there, somewhere; those nagging thoughts at the back of our minds. They are lurking, but the reality and fact is that we don't want to know the final truth to which these thoughts are going to lead us. More like, we are going to have to face the truth once we think the thoughts through. When we don't like where it is headed, we leave them incomplete, rotting away. Hoping we forget we ever thought them. But they are there. And no matter how hard we try to forget, they are still there. And when we least expect it, they are going to spring back to the top of our thoughts until we are compelled to face the vile truth from which we have been running and hiding. We fool ourselves into thinking we don't care. We condition our minds into forgetting we ever cared. But certain thoughts are linked to certain feelings
.they are instinct. You cannot forget them. You cannot hide from them. Not for long anyway. They always come
Messed UpI know I am messed up.With issues unresolved.So dark and deep is the hole I fell in.But I don't want to get out.It makes me restless, but I still feel at home here.Buried deep in my hole of despair,I feel like I need it to survive.To feel again,Even if that feeling is just pain.The screaming is too familiar.Too close.I want to drown myself in this sorrow,In this feeling of anguish.At least here, I can feel.